Did You Get Permission From Your Husband: A Look Inside a Woman’s Run For Office

Amie Neiling is a Democratic candidate for 
District 32 of the Indiana House of Representatives. 


When I first announced my candidacy for State Representative I was met with a lot of support. My opponent is a comfortably seated member of the House and many members of the community as well as around the country have voiced their support for a fresh campaign with new ideas and energy. People are ready to bring balance back to our government.
With this wave of support also came a brash of critics, which I expected. Some people have avoided engagement all together due to party lines and wariness. However, the most glaring responses have been the personal questions I have been asked along the way:
“How does your husband feel?”
“Does your husband support you?”
“Do your kids mind? Do they miss Mom?”
“What about running your household? How does that work?”
“Do you know what you’re doing?”
“And you thought this was as good idea?”
“You know, just being a woman isn’t enough. You have to actually have some ideas.”
I knew before announcing my candidacy that it would be an uphill battle for a Democratic campaign. Even more so because I am a woman. Not only do I have to prove my competence as a knowledgeable and better candidate for District 32, but also demonstrate that I can continue being a dedicated mom or that I am not too bossy, too angry...not too much for other politicians to handle. I also have a deep and genuine understanding as to why I am the first woman to ever run for this seat. To be a capable and well versed woman is to know that I will be shown bias before I enter a room, often being talked at rather than with the people I care and want to learn more about. 
Being written off as a novelty candidate is something I have become all too familiar with these past few months. Recently, I had the opportunity to speak with a part of my community that plays an integral and crucial role in sustainability and infrastructure. It became quite clear from the beginning that the door was shut and locked. My competitor arrived and proceeded to move up in order, joking around with the board prior to our interviews. Walking into the room was honestly intimidating, understandably so even for the most seasoned professionals. I did my homework, research, and created a list of questions in hopes of creating a common language and weave this community into the goals our campaign has for a stronger district. To my great disappointment I was met with criticism of my gender and laughed at for sharing with them my desire to do more research before forming opinions and policy. Not once was I asked what I could do to improve their livelihoods, secure jobs, help improve their health, not even about what makes me qualified for their vote and this seat. My competitor received twice as much attention and accomplished very little in his time joking and reminiscing with friends.
A lot of mental energy goes into my appearance and affect, knowing that the wrong outfit will make me seem too uptight or as though I am not passionate about this service to theirs and my community. This is not something male candidates have to worry about, they aren’t scrutinized for their appearance.I know I have to be twice as good and know much more to get ahead against a complacent Representative that has become so secure that he doesn’t feel the need to interact with the community who voted him in. There are unwritten rules and norms to learn in politics and it seems that even with the endorsements of 14 organizations/groups that I am continuously asked where my children are and if my husband has given me his permission to run this campaign. I watch as men side step the rules and play in the dirt and continue to be in positions of power. I am choosing to take the time and the care because it is important to set an example, to listen to everyone regardless of their experience or perceived status. While my competition sits on his hands, assuming he has already won, I will continue to do the work necessary to win for my constituents. To work alongside my neighbors and 
prove everyday that I am deserving of their vote and faith.
I am angry. I am frustrated. I am above and beyond ready to use my skills as a nurse, an educator, a parent, and an advocate to win this, as I have been told time and time again, seemingly impossible campaign. I am all in and will work tirelessly for the real, hard working individuals who are affected by the lazy and disconnected politics of people who hold unearned power. All I ask is for the respect and fairness I have given to every single person along the way. 
To learn more about me or my campaign, please visit:
Or Email me at: amie@amieneiling.com